By Elaine Rivera, The Washington Post
Employees at the Hilton Alexandria Mark Center were warned about the profound displays of grief they might witness this week in the hotel hallways: the weeping, the pounding on walls, the expressions of absolute sorrow.
This year marks the 20th annual conference of Concerns of Police Survivors Inc., and for the past 10 years, family, friends and co-workers of slain police officers across the country have made the trek to Alexandria to comfort one another.
“Just pretend it’s normal,” Suzie Sawyer, executive director of COPS, said she has told the hotel staff. “This is a safe haven for them.”
From Wednesday to May 17, which is National Police Week, the 2,700 registered participants will attend seminars, candlelight vigils and memorial services to seek comfort and honor officers who have been killed in the line of duty.
“We want to give them support from people who have truly lived it,” Sawyer said. “It’s one survivor helping another.”
The annual conference was officially launched in 1984 by Sawyer, whose husband, Buzz, is a retired Prince George’s County police officer, and it has grown dramatically, she said. She got the idea for the organization after two Prince George’s officers were slain in 1978, and she realized police families and their fellow officers did not have a way to grieve.
“Before COPS organized, it was thought that survivors did well by forgetting that it ever happened,” she said. “Well, you don’t forget that it happened.”
About 140 to 160 law enforcement officers are killed annually, so a new group of mourners will take part in the conference, joining those who can help them rebuild their lives after the loss of a family member or a co-worker, Sawyer said. They can meet with mental health counselors, talk to other survivors and attend workshops such as “Survivor Guilt” for fellow officers or “Remarrying a Police Widow or Widower” for those starting over.
Sgt. John Gregg of the Alexandria Police Department said he has been volunteering for the past 10 years as part of a “critical incident stress debriefer” team. It has been a life-changing experience, he said.
He advises families and fellow police officers, directing them to counselors or other professionals who can help. Sometimes he just sits with survivors.
“People are very much at a loss and very vulnerable,” Gregg said. “We let them talk about what happened and how it affects their lives. They relive the experiences.”
Gregg recalled that one year he met with a woman and her two children, who were inconsolable after the loss of the husband and father. He talked with them at length, and they remained silent or became argumentative, he said. He left, dejected. “I felt I had accomplished nothing,” he said.
But two years later, he saw the family again.
“They gave me a big hug and kiss and said, ‘Thank you,’ ” Gregg said, remembering his surprise. “They said, ‘You completely turned this family around. You made such a difference.’ ” The woman was so impressed with the program that she, too, became a trained counselor for the conference, Gregg said.
Death is inevitable. But for police officers, their families and friends, “death is always over our heads a little bit,” Gregg said. The COPs organization is invaluable to the law enforcement community, he said.
“You never know when it’s going to be my family,” Gregg said. “I could be killed at work. I would want this for my kids.”