P1 First Person: “The shorts”

“Asking the Right Questions”
Chief E.J. Atwell
Kimball (W. Va.) Police Department

This story was more embarrassing at the time but it’s funny now that I think about it. It was around 2:00 a.m. and I got a report that a vehicle had thrown a beer bottle out of the car and hit a passing ambulance. I was waiting on that car which was supposed to be coming in my direction. I got a visual on that vehicle and stopped it.

I admit I was a little upset before I got to the driver’s window and I immediately asked the driver “did you just throw a beer bottle from your vehicle?” I went on to state that I received a report that a car fitting the description of the one you are driving tossed out a beer bottle and hit an ambulance. The driver was a young one and I could visibly see that he was nervous but was insistent that he did not throw a beer bottle out of his car. I told him to wait with the Deputy Sheriff that was with me on the stop while I called into control to confirm the description of the car. I came back to the driver and told him that this car is the one that was reported. At that time I felt he was lying. I was really upset now and I told him “I’m going to ask you one more time and you had better tell me the truth. “Did you toss a beer bottle from your vehicle and hit a passing ambulance?

The young driver said, “No sir...it was a soda bottle.”

Without thinking, I said, “you told me you did not toss anything out of your car.

The young driver then stated “Sir, you asked me if I threw a beer bottle out of my car.”

There was no damage to the ambulance and they did not want to press charges so I released him.

This story helps remind me of how important it is to ask the right questions during an interview.

“Making Peace with Myself”
By Sgt. G. Esposito
Villa Park (Ill.) Police Department

While on midnights, I was in an unmarked car, concentrating my patrol on our main drag — we were having several front door business burglaries. At about at 1:00 a.m., I see this guy staggering down the street, going in and out of every business entryway. I figure I found our burglar, so I set up down the street a bit and keep watching him. He eventually goes up to a darkened entryway and stays there for at least a minute. I give him some time to work on the door locks and in I roll, ready to make the big capture.

The guy turns out to be East Indian and I ask him what he’s doing. Now, between him being completely bombed and his inability to readily speak the English language, he was difficult to understand. He claims — in a heavy accent — that he “went there to make peace with myself.”

I ask him just what the hell that means, and he just keeps repeating that he needed to “make peace with myself.”

So now I’m trying to figure out if he’s praying or something on his way home, or if the guy is just jacking me around. After about tem minutes of him telling me he needed to “make peace with myself”—and me having absolutely no idea what he’s talking about—he proceeds to unzip his pants, pulls out his “partner” and pees for nearly two straight minutes.

With his eyes he seems to just be saying, “See? I needed to make peace with myself.”

I looked around, hoping there was no one else watching, and drove off laughing my ass off… and swearing to myself I would never repeat this story to anyone.

“Has Anybody Seen My Keys?”
By Officer Allen Schmidt

Our old report room use to have a series of tall file drawers, one drawer assigned to an officer. A friend of mine — let’s call him “Officer Smith” — always put his personal keys on the top of the cabinet so he wouldn’t loose them. As the story goes, Officer Smith tossed his key onto the top of the cabinet like he had done for years except one thing changed, the key slid along the top of the cabinet and fell through the small gap between the cabinet and the wall.

Officer Smith was a thrifty officer and he decided to tip the cabinet forward in an attempt to reach behind the cabinet for his keys. Unfortunately, the weight of the cabinet was too much and other officers came forward to give Officer Smith assistance. Now picture this, one officer was tipping the cabinet forward, Officer Smith was on top of the other cabinets and another officer was holding onto Officer Smith’s ankles.

With the cabinet tipped forward, Officer Smith started to slowly move upside down behind the cabinet. At one point, Officer Smith’s utility belt caught the top of the cabinet and he gave a quick movement forward to release the caught item. This quick movement forward pushed down firmly on the caught item, identified as a canister of fog pattern pepper spray. The spray immediately started to discharge the contents of the spray onto the area behind the cabinet and onto Officer Smith. With blinding speed, the two officers assisting Officer Smith began a mode of self-preservation and let go of Officer Smith. Officer Smith slid further down behind the cabinet and the cabinet rocked forward trapping him. What probably felt like hours to Officer Smith was only seconds and he was heroically rescued by a laughing and coughing team of officers. Officer Smith never kept his keys on the top of the cabinet.

Hope you like the story. Like they say in our field, “You can’t make this shit up!”

“Puss in Trouble”
Officer B. Beauvais
Pueblo (Colo.) Police Department

Just last night at 2320 hrs. I was dispatched to a liquor store on a burglary alarm, which is known to have frequent break-ins. I get there first and as I’m tactfully looking in through the front door I can see a pair of eyes staring right at me from behind the counter top. As I lit up the subject and was seconds away from drawing my sidearm I realized it was a cat sitting on the counter! I guess the cat is the night guard and the alarm was not set to the right setting. Ha! Classic!

“Ooops! I said it...”
By Chief Joel Shults
Police1 Columnist

I pride myself on guarding my words and feelings. I’m not unemotional but I don’t need the world to know that. I practiced for years to get my face frozen in that authoritative “Don’t ‘F’ with me” look. Sure I get chills anytime I sing the National Anthem and I get misty eyed at most old hymns.

I get plain silly and giddy around my little granddaughter and at the half century mark I have plenty of stories about how things were back in the day. My wife and kids will tell you I don’t say “I love you” very often, and certainly not automatically at the end of phone calls or with any frequency that would wear out the phrase. Every decade or so seems to get the point across.

And yet, there I was, at a job interview no less (don’t worry, my boss doesn’t read PoliceOne), answering a routine question about priorities. I was telling them that my first customers are my officers. I explained that if I don’t serve them with the same care that I expect them to serve the public then I can’t hold them accountable for the way they treat their customers. I rambled on and on and then dropped the L word just as easy as you please. I said, “I love and respect my officers.”

Yes — love. Dang. What happened to my tough guy persona?

I didn’t get the job. But I did realize that I really do love my troops.

The ones I send out everyday. Cut the melodrama, but the reality is there’s no guarantee they’ll finish their shift and get to go home to untie their own shoelaces. If they call I’ll come running and I know that the same is true if I need anything from them. Maybe the Boy Scouts and Green Berets and Surenos have the same thing going for them, but I wouldn’t trade mine for anybody’s.

But don’t tell them I said that. I don’t want them to think I’m getting soft.