I was sitting here trying to think of something to write and I remembered an incident that happened a long time ago. It was when I first got started working at my current agency. I had been on for about one week and asked to ride along with and officer that later became a good friend of mine. At the time, he was a two year veteran to the department. Even though he was about two years younger than me he had a lot of experience. I looked up to him and I still look up to him this day.
It was the middle of the summer and hotter then hell outside. We had ventured outside the city limits and up on a nearby hill where, at the time, a locally famous band was playing on leased farm land. Every year they attract tons of really annoying, granola eating, wack jobs. They are one of those Greatful Dead wanna be jam bands. Every year they come and play for about three days. Anywhere from 500 to 1500 people follow them around from venue to venue just to sit and smoke a whole bunch of dope and act like retards. We call them the “unclean” which suits them nicely. If you ever met one of these people face to face, the smell alone would make you want to go home and take a shower. Naturally, the po po is going to be in the area.
Anyway, we were on are way back down the hill when we came up on a little Honda Civic. The little car was packed full of Hispanic farmers headed home from a long day at work. The people inside didn’t really catch our attention. It was the fact that the car was weaving from our lane into the oncomming lane and only traveling at about 10 mph that got our attention. My buddy says, “Oh man! We gotta stop this guy!”
He switched on the emergency lights and pulled in close behind the Honda just so there was no mistaking who we wanted to talk to. The passengers in the backseat looked back at us several times, laughing and clapping there hands on occation. The Honda continued to slowly creap down the road. We had began to wonder if the driver was so drunk that he just coudn’t stop or if this was some sort of a getaway attempt.
We followed with our emergency lights blazing and the siren set on “wail” for what seemed like a mile. Finally the vehicle stated toward the right side of the road. There was just one small problem. There was little to no shoulder and about a four and half foot deep ditch on either side of the road.
The driver attempted to pull off onto a driveway, but didn’t quite make it. Instead, the Honda slowly drove directly into the ditch and landed on it’s side. With the car standing straight up and down on is passenger side, all of the occupants started climbing out of the driver’s side doors all the time laughing as if we were on some sort of a hidden camera show.
My buddy approached the driver and I stood by on the passenger/roof side of the Honda to monitor everyone’s activities. My buddy took down a couple of notes in his police note book and returned to the patrol car.
I attempted to communicate with passengers who were apparently unharmed and now sitting in the grass nearby. Not one of them spoke a word of English. I got out my police notebook. It just so happened that I had written down some spanish phrases in it and I thought it may be helpful. I returned to the patrol car where my buddy was now sitting and entering information in to the computer. “Here’s a shocker!” He said, “No driver’s license! It turns out that he’s not drunk, he’s just driving while stupid.” I just laughed. I said, “hey man, none of these guys speak any english. I have some spanish phrases written down in my notebook. If you want I can try to explain to them whats going on.” My buddy says, “That’s okay, I speak fluent spanish.”
“Of course.” I thought. “That must be how he figured out the guy didn’t have a license.” Wondering if he thought I was a total idiot, I elected to keep my mouth shut while he ran the plates and completed some tow paperwork. I just sat in the passenger side of the patrol car with the door open and my foot stuck between the door and the hinges. By now all of the occupants were sitting in the grass under a tree. One guy had fallen asleep with his hat pulled over his eyes. Occasionally one of them would point at the car, say something in spanish, and all of them would start laughing.
RRRRIPP! My buddy smiled as he tore the good old yellow copy from his cite book. “Well, the tow truck in on its way, I guess we should go give them the good news!” He gathered up three or four pieces of paper along with the cite and stepped out of the patrol car. I walked behind him as he approached the driver. “here ya go.” He said. The driver, confused, reach out and took the papers. He just sat there looking at them. My buddy pointed down the road. “AU-DE-OSE!” He said, finger still pointing.
The driver still confused stood up and began speaking frantically in Spanish. He shook the paperwork and pointed at the Honda several times. My Buddy just stood there with his finger pointing. Finally the driver stopped and said, “My uncle’s car, he live in Washington.” “I said, AU-DE-OSE!” My buddy insisted. By now all of the passengers had started walking away. The driver just stood there staring at my buddy. Normally this would be fine, except he sort of took up a fight stance and yelled a bunch of stuff in spanish. Irritated, my buddy said, “If you don’t walk-o away-o, I’m gonna put my foot-o in your ass-o......comprende?”
The driver still looking very confused slowly turned and walked down the road. “See, I told you I speak fluent spanish.” My buddy said, smiling as he returned to the patrol car. I remember trying so very hard to remain professional but I just started laughing hysterically. I have never in my seen a cop act that way. I had been a cadet with other more “touchy feely” agencies before. If they had said something like that. Who knows what would have happened to them. They would probably have to fill out a “use of verbal force” report or something.
I know that if you weren’t there, this story may seem like my buddy was being a little harsh, but you have to understand, that in my experience, I have seen these guys pretend that they don’t speak english because they think that its going to get them out of trouble or something. Also, the driver’s demeanor in this particular situation seemed somewhat aggressive in nature and cops can’t afford to be owned. I think that he was treated just how he should have been treated.
I know that doesn’t seem like a really funny story, I guess you would have just had to been there. It’s now been about three years since that day and I still haven’t forgotten it.
Have a good one guys. And to all of my brother civil soldiers out there, stay safe, and carpe bad guys!!!
