The following article is part of the WINx: Inspiring Excellence in Law Enforcement event — an event created to help law enforcement professionals think differently. WINx is being held November 18 in Lisle, Illinois. Register now and be inspired by nine dynamic speakers committed to help you grow courage and embrace excellence.
By Kevin Briggs, Police1 Special Contributor
Having served in the United States Armed Forces, worked at San Quentin State Prison, and been an officer in the California Highway Patrol (CHP) for more than 23 years, I have seen my fair share of trauma. Experiencing trauma has affected me, too. I was diagnosed with testicular cancer when I was 21, my Mother died at age 49 from cancer, my paternal grandfather lost his life as a result of suicide — I did not get to meet him. I have been involved in serious on-duty motorcycle collisions resulting in concussions. I have heart disease (three stents in my heart), high blood pressure and high cholesterol. On top of all this, I got divorced, which affected not only me, but my two very young children at the time. Too many of us know the stress involved in that process.
When we stop and think about how depression begins, we can start to understand how first responders can unknowingly, even arguably deny, the onset of a mental illness. For example, a first responder may encounter a tragedy that seems to be senseless. There are intense emotions that surface that are inevitable when dealing with trauma — anger, sadness, grief, numbness, horror, fright, helplessness, and many others.
The urgency surrounding their work may make coping with these emotions difficult or impossible. However, coping mechanisms surface at some point and may have a negative outcome of anger or withdrawal from family and friends, lack of sleep, problems with appetite, thoughts of suicide, gastro-intestinal issues, migraines, panic attacks, and other outcomes too numerous to list. Without professional help, the signs/symptoms may and often do get worse.
Using Myself as an Example
Let’s look at how mental illness can develop. I’ll use myself, having been diagnosed with depression and taking medication for it.
• Nutrition (or lack of proper nutrients)
• Environmental Factors (forced life changes like a death in the family and divorce)
• Substance Abuse (including alcohol)
• Traumatic Brain Injury (including concussions
• Genetics (family history)
I once read in a police magazine: “In some ways a cop’s work may be even more traumatic than that of a soldier sent into a war zone. The police officer’s job, over many years, exposes and re-exposes them to traumatic events that would make anybody recoil in horror.”
I will share with you what my depression looks like. Prior to my retirement, I was a motor sergeant at the Marin Area (Calif.) for the CHP — I was able to go to work and function at 100 percent. I performed daily as a supervisor should. But when I was off duty and not required to do much, I would literally lay on my couch most of my days off. To do anything — and I mean anything — was a chore.
This insidious illness called depression had taken over my life and I could not see it. The professions that I had did not allow me to discuss the things that I (and we all) see. In fact, I was too macho to let my guard down and talk about the things that bothered me — the trauma I had seen and experienced, the collapse of my family life, the after effects of the concussions and medications, the heart operations and additional medications — you know — all that stuff.
It was not until a routine physical that I discovered I had depression. I have had the same doctor for years. He knows my history. At my appointment I spoke with him about my on-duty and off-duty life. He had me take a PHQ9 test. PHQ9 stands for Personal Health Questionnaire, and basically has nine questions relating to mental health. I failed the test miserably. I was never suicidal, but had many signs/symptoms of depression, such as little interest in doing things that use to be enjoyable, trouble falling/staying asleep, tired/no energy, and poor concentration.
I remember my doctor telling me, “Kevin, you have depression. How do you feel about that?”
My first thought was, “How the hell do you think I feel about it?”
I took the diagnosis of depression to heart — it is not something to mess with. It can consume your life and devour who you are — as I had experienced many days of my life. My doctor prescribed medication for depression, which has helped me, as well as my own research about depression, which has helped me learn to recognize my signs/symptoms and mobilize myself to action. This self-care action results in my enjoyment of spending time with my family and friends, work and play time, and improves my quality of life.
Over time, I developed what I refer to as my “Quality of Life Triad, which I will share with you (and which is pictured above and left). This was originally for my own self-care but in sharing it, I found that many people who use it say it has produced good results for them. In the middle of the triangle is “Quality of Life.” It is supported by three crucial elements: Self Care, Professional Care, and Support.
On the top of the triangle is “Self Care.” There’s a reason it is on top. It is my responsibility to recognize how I am feeling and take action for my own quality of life. Going along with self-care is self-compassion. I have to consciously acknowledge that not everything is going to go my way, and at times I will fail — this is a natural part of life. Failing also brings me closer to success, as each time I fail, I grow and realize what I need to do the next time.
On the lower left of the triangle is “Professional Care.” There are many different kinds of professionals I depend on who know me, my history, and can assist with my quality of life with their guidance and evaluations of my overall health.
On the lower right is my “Support,” my right hand so to speak. These are people I can rely on day to day for helping me stay balanced. Some of these people I can call day or night — they are always there for me and are willing to take the time and listen.
Elements of the Quality of Life Triad
Self Care: It all begins with self. Your self-worth, self-compassion, nutrition, fitness, self-diagnosis of feelings, and ‘Journal of My Feelings and How I Coped’ (for future use), etc.
Professional Care: Behavioral and physical health clinicians and other professionals who assist with your well-being such as life coach, gym and yoga instructors, nutritionist, etc.
Support: Family, friends, peers, colleagues, mentors, clubs, social media, audiences, belief systems, etc.
Conclusion
I would like to encourage you to do some self-assessment. If you find yourself experiencing some of the same signs/symptoms discussed above, please talk with someone. Reach out for help sooner rather than later — don’t let depression steal the hours and days of your life and keep you in the black hole. I heard a statement some years ago that the average cop dies after only 5 years of retirement. Let’s all work on improving that!
Note: Mental illness is an individualized illness. It may be a result of genetics, brain chemistry, environment, or other cause. Not all mental illness starts the same way as described here or looks the same as mine.
