Editor’s Note: This week’s PoliceOne First Person essay is from PoliceOne Member Greg Brown, a retired Senior Police Officer from the Rocky Mount (N.C.) Police Department. In PoliceOne “First Person” essays, our Members and Columnists candidly share their own unique view of the world. This is a platform from which individual officers can share their own personal insights on issues confronting cops today, as well as opinions, observations, and advice on living life behind the thin blue line. If you want to share your own perspective with other P1 Members, simply send us an email with your story.
By Greg Brown
Rocky Mount (N.C.) Police Department (ret.)
Too often I read articles about our brothers and sisters giving their lives in the performance of their duties and it still saddens me every time I see it. We show our respect by wearing the black mourning band over the badge and honoring them with a police officer’s funeral where hundreds come from miles around to pay their respects to the family, to the department and to the fallen officer. During National Police Week, held annually in May in Washington DC, the names of those heroes are forever memorialized in granite, becoming a permanent part of the law enforcement history. For any police officer, giving his or her life in the duty is the bravest thing anyone can do. They leave behind wives, husbands, partners, children and parents and they make that sacrifice without thinking twice.
But what happens to all those other officers we read about who are catastrophically injured in the line of duty but who survive? We often hear about the gunfight or ambush they were in, the terrible crash they survived, the heart attack they suffered and then that’s all we hear. If the officer recovers and is able to return to full duty, then it may make the local news and he or she will be celebrated as they return to the job. However, there is another group of officers who fall into the category I call “The Forgotten Ones.”
I call them that because that is the category that I fall into, and I know from personal experience what it’s like to feel “forgotten.” Too often these officers have given years, even decades, to their respective police departments, their communities, and their government agencies but are forced to medically retire after an injury. It’s not something any of us likes to think about, but look through my eyes for a few minutes and let me show you how it feels to be forced out of the profession we all love so much and what you can do still be a part of this great profession.
On September 9th, 2005 my life and my career changed forever. I will be brief but if you would like to read the entire story get the book True Blue II by Lt. Randy Sutton (ret.) and turn to the chapter titled “Another Beautiful Day.”
I was on duty and I answered a call about a man with a gun running people off the road. I located the unoccupied vehicle in front of a residence and before I knew it the suspect ran out of the house and started shooting in my direction. Although I was wearing my vest a bullet entered below it and shattered the base of my spine. I was told I wasn’t going to make it and if I did I would never walk, but ten days later I walked out that hospital. Before I go any further I must give my wife Shannon all the credit in the world. She was an absolute rock when I was shot. At the time we had a four-year-old and a two-month-old, and she was able to keep everything going while I was in the hospital. When they say behind every good cop is an even better wife, husband or partner, believe it!
Over the next six months I went to physical therapy and endured multiple, extensive surgeries to try and fix my nerves but nothing seemed to help. As a result I was left with “drop foot” and was going to need the assistance of a brace for the rest of my life. The doctor said I was not going to be able to run again and the strength in my back was basically gone. That was devastating news for me to hear. Besides being a ten year veteran and a damn good cop, I was very active outside of my work. I really enjoyed playing sports and it almost killed me that I was not going to be able to do those things. The most devastating thought was never being able to run with my kids again or play with them in the same way I always had.
When it became clear that I would never return to the street, I began talking with my captain about the future. I wanted to work in our Detective Division for awhile until I knew for sure I would never work as an officer again; I wasn’t ready to give up. I will never forget the words she said and how she said them.
When I asked the captain about working in detectives, she said “there is nothing they have for you that you can do, the only thing we have for you is retirement.” I thought to myself, “I gave ten years of my life to this department and this city and that’s all she can say to me?” People who knew me would know that I wouldn’t take that very well. I’ve always stood up for the younger officers and if I thought something wasn’t right, and I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind to the command staff. But nothing I could say was going to change the inevitable.
Eleven months after I was injured, on August 01, 2006, I retired. One of the hardest things I have ever done was take all my equipment back to the Department and turn it in. After it was all said and done I was a “civilian” again. In my eyes I was just employee number 1945, a number that could be scribbled out and replaced. I then began the process of fighting for Workers Compensation and The Department of Justice for my Public Safety Officers Death and Disability Benefit, but that’s another article for another time.
Before my injury our local Fraternal Order of Police Lodge had began to grow again since my good friend Ricky Parks had taken over as President. I told him that I would definitely be joining. It was kind of ironic because I had the application in my patrol car the day I was shot and was in the process of filling it out. So while in the hospital I joined our local FOP Lodge and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
A year after I joined Rocky Mount Lodge No. 46, I was elected as their State Trustee and I pledged that I would do my very best represent our Lodge and the FOP the same way I represented my Department with Respect, Professionalism and Integrity. One of my most memorable experiences was representing all Disabled Officers at the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial in Washington DC and being able to place a carnation on the wreath. I was named to several state committees and represented my local lodge as state trustee which I have held for the last six years. This past year I was given the prestigious Mark Tucker Award which was named for Detective Mark Tucker who was killed in the line duty in Wake County several years ago. This award is given once a year to a FOP Member in North Carolina that goes above and beyond and represents what the FOP is all about. I was very honored to receive this award.
Don’t get me wrong during this time I was also very depressed and was taking several medications for severe nerve pain and for my depression. I gained a lot of weight and did not look like my old self. So in November of 2011, I decided I’d had enough. I joined the local YMCA and I hit it like I had never have before. I lost all the weight I had gained and I was able to quit almost all of my medication. The depression went away and I was able to do things I have not done in a long time.
Understand that a career-ending injury does not mean you have to leave law enforcement. There are things you can do to fight the depression and your frustration with being a “civilian” again. Surround yourself with your true friends who will keep you up to date with what’s going on inside the department. Join a fraternal group like the FOP. Do things to help your fellow officers. Go to National Police Week in Washington DC; you can still show your respect for your brother and sisters that have fallen. Most of all, find a hobby that makes you happy. I exercise, hunt and fish. It keeps my mind clear and although it’s been a very rocky ride for my family, my wife has stood beside me through it all and if anyone deserve to be happy it’s her. A life-altering injury doesn’t just happen to you, it happens to everyone around you. Life will never be the same, but whole new chapters will be open to you if you are open to them.
About the Author
Greg Brown is a retired Senior Police Officer from the Rocky Mount Police Department Rocky Mount, NC. He is married with two children and lives in Nashville. NC. He currently serves as State Trustee in the North Carolina Fraternal Order of Police Rocky Mount Lodge No. 46. Greg began his career with the Rocky Mount Police Department in 1995 and in 2003 was promoted to Senior Police Officer. During his career he served in many capacities while with the City such as a Field Training Officer and on the Street Narcotics Unit. He was a highly decorated Officer including being awarded the Purple Heart which he received after he was shot in the line duty in 2005. Unfortunately in 2006 Greg had to retire from the injuries he received in the shooting. Although retired, he still supports his Brothers and Sisters in Blue by being very active within the North Carolina Fraternal Order of Police.
