By Kathryn Loving
Being a cop mom isn’t for everyone. It takes a lot of grit. Parenting is difficult in and of itself, let alone adding a badge. How we keep our sanity at times is beyond me.
I wasn’t so sure if I was fit to be a mother since I was so dedicated to my career and in love with being a cop. Did I have room for anything else? I learned you always have room.
My daughter arrived right smack in the middle of my career path as a detective. Motherhood changed my outlook on life and transformed how I handled any call or case associated with children and families; it was not until I became a mother that I really understood. The cop life affected my views as a mother, which have a tendency to shy from the norm:
1. My vetting process is far superior to the FBI’s terrorist watch procedures.
Everyone around, associated, or remotely thinking of being in the presence of my daughter has been checked out via an intense background screening. Dating prospects have even higher clearance requirements. How does that motto go? “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.” You might even find me at the kitchen table cleaning my guns when the lucky boy comes to pick my daughter up on a date.
2. My vow to protect my child is distinctly similar to that of a mama bear.
Mess with my kid and hear me growl. Sometimes I might even rip your face off. On the flip side, when she is in trouble, she has to take responsibility and own up to her mistakes. Punishment and consequences due to bad choices are strictly enforced in the den.
3. We conduct surveillance on our children in many forms.
Mostly it is performed on the sly and sometimes under the cloak of darkness. Don’t deny it. We all do it. This could be as simple as monitoring the phone and computer activity (we all know about child predators) to extending the long reach of the blue family. Mommy has friends everywhere, and they report all suspicious activity. Remember tattletales? Well, these are narcs–much more rigorous and methodical. And they work for beer and donuts.
4. Our detective skills are practiced on our families.
Although this is annoying to them, it is necessary to maintain our sanity, and drives our instinct to protect. It really is a skill we can’t shut off. We find out everything using interview and interrogation methods, active listening skills, forensic examinations, LoJack, GPS phone tracking capabilities, and extraordinary networking. We thought we were doomed when our moms had eyes in the back of their heads. Cop moms have eyes everywhere.
5. Safety first! Range rules trickle down to the home life.
As you can see from the picture above, my daughter Madyson is Annie Oakley reincarnate. She prefers the shotgun over other firearms. Perhaps some of this comes from her Western roots, but I would gather it might be because it is also my favorite firearm of choice. I taught my daughter to respect firearms at birth. Just in case biology slipped up, I take her out to the range every so often. In fact, range days are as much a part of us as park days are to a soccer mom.
6. Ninja skills are requirements of the job, so why not practice them on your kids?
My daughter thought it was cool when we starting teaching her custody and control. It wasn’t too cool when I got my first call in kindergarten about her arm bar maneuvers on her peers. Oh well. I guess they shouldn’t have taken her doll. She now likes to test her self-defense prowess on me and we often “practice” at home. She is getting quite good. I let her think someday she will overtake me, but cop moms always win.
7. What I do has to reflect a positive role model of strength and courage.
We can only hope our children respond favorably and in turn, capture some of that moxie for themselves. We own every move we make as cops, and all of this is displayed in a public forum. It affects my child in public, at school, and home. Cop kids get ridiculed and bombarded by peer pressure sometimes. I have taught my child to be kind to others and tough-skinned in order to endure the outside pressures.
8. Missing birthdays and holidays brings us great distress.
The call of duty often brings us away from family traditions. Those are days we can’t get back and our children may not fully understand why mom isn’t there on Thanksgiving or Christmas day. I have to live with the missed holidays. Trying to celebrate those moments on alternate days has little flair, but sometimes it is all we can muster to make it special for them.
9. Sinister cases bring us to bad places.
There are those cases when we look into a victim child’s eyes and see our own. Every time I’d come home from a horrific call or case, I’d go hug my daughter and be grateful for her safety and well-being.
With the influence of societal dysfunction and police culture, I think I became an overzealous and overprotective mother. I feel I am fortunate to have the most intelligent, beautiful, and morally grounded daughter in the world.
See what I mean? I am a very proud mother. Molding her young mind did not come easy nor without many sleepless nights. Challenges aside, becoming a mom is the best thing I have done with my life. Being a cop mom changed my priorities and made me a better officer and vice versa. Families come first. We may not be traditional, but we are blue strong!
