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By Lauren Houston
“If you can’t handle the jokes, you don’t belong in this job.” “This is law enforcement — grow a thicker skin.”
I’ve heard it all before. That kind of thinking is exactly the problem.
My name is Lauren Houston. I’m a medically retired police officer who spent more than eight years in law enforcement. I didn’t leave because I couldn’t handle the job. I left because I wouldn’t keep tolerating discrimination, harassment and retaliation from the people who were supposed to have my back.
I started my career in an all-male maximum-security prison, one of just two women on the special operations response team. I’ve been screamed at, spit on and called every name imaginable — and it didn’t rattle me. I expected that from inmates.
What I didn’t expect — and never should have had to — was to hear worse from my fellow officers. When disrespect comes from the people you’re supposed to trust with your life, it’s not about jokes. It’s about betrayal.
After I shared my story at the recent NAWLEE conference, a female police chief came up to me and asked the question I’d been waiting years to hear: “What can I do, as a chief, and what can my command staff do, to make sure what happened to you doesn’t happen to one of our officers?”
This article is my answer. It isn’t about needing thicker skin. It’s about demanding better leadership and a healthier culture.
1. Don’t entertain the gossip — shut it down
It starts with the little things, the whispered comments and hallway rumors. But make no mistake — gossip is poison. The gossip about me started while I was in the academy. No one even attempted to put a stop to it. That same gossip never went away throughout my career.
If you’re in a leadership role and overhear gossip, shut it down immediately. Every time. And if it becomes a pattern? Shut it down publicly. Let people know that trashing your coworkers isn’t tolerated. That alone sets a tone of accountability. As one officer put it: “That place will always be worse than high school. Bullies, cliques, favorites. I don’t know how you did it. I don’t think I even had it bad — for the most part, I was under the radar. There was only one officer who didn’t like me, and I never knew why. I loved that job. I miss it all the time. But it just wasn’t worth my energy to keep dealing with those people.”
2. Lead by example
If you’re a sergeant, lieutenant, captain, or chief, do not participate in gossip or character assassination. Not even passively. The moment leadership is seen laughing at rumors or fueling them, it tells lower-ranking officers this behavior is acceptable — even rewarded. That’s how toxic cultures take root.
3. Don’t ignore the behavior or reward it
Turning a blind eye is bad enough. But what’s worse? Promoting it. At my department, the very people who created a hostile work environment were often the same ones getting specialty positions, chosen for committees, getting awards, or placed in specialty units. That tells every other officer that bullying works and harassment leads to reward. Flip that script. Hold them accountable instead.
4. Take complaints seriously — even if it’s just a whisper
Not every complaint will be valid, but many are. And when someone comes forward, especially about the internal culture, it takes courage. Don’t leave them hanging. Have a spine. Back them. Show the rest of the department that retaliating against someone for speaking up will not be tolerated. Silence from leadership is permission.
Several officers admitted they didn’t bother reporting mistreatment because they’d seen what happened to the ones who did: nothing. Or worse — retaliation. If leadership wants officers to speak up, there has to be trust that doing so won’t backfire.
5. Build real peer support not just check a box
The “peer support” at my department was made up of the same officers who spread the most gossip. Everyone knew it. No one trusted it. And because of that, no one used it. If you want peer support to mean something, select officers who are actually trusted, who are empathetic and who are mentors. They should be people who have proven themselves through their integrity not their popularity.
6. Encourage individual strengths
Not every officer is wired the same way — and that’s a good thing. Some thrive in traffic enforcement. Others in narcotics. Some are drawn to family crimes or crisis intervention. Stop trying to mold everyone into a clone of yourself. Instead, learn your people. Invest in their interests. Inform them and provide outside training that helps them grow. That’s how you build strong, fulfilled officers.
7. Eliminate favoritism — period
If you show favoritism, everyone sees it. It corrodes morale faster than anything else. Promotions, opportunities and assignments should be earned, not given based on who someone golfs with.
When it came time to bid for districts, one officer — among the most senior — got stuck in the one area no one wanted. She believed it was retaliation. Whether it was or wasn’t, leadership should never let assignment decisions feel personal or punitive. Transparency matters.
8. Notice the quiet red flags
Not everyone is going to come forward, especially in law enforcement, where the fear of being labeled weak — or having your gun taken — is very real. But there are signs. Is an officer being avoided by others? Taking high-risk calls alone that should be partnered? Not jumping certain calls that they would have in the past, or pursuing trainings they used to love? Gossip swirling around them? These aren’t coincidences. These are signs someone is being ostracized and pushed out. Pay attention.
9. Make it safe to come to you
It should never feel like a gamble to report mistreatment. Officers need to know they’ll be supported when they speak up, not isolated. Make it clear that retaliation will not be tolerated. And then prove it through your actions.
10. Make sure for yourself
This one’s big. In my case, officers went to sergeants and captains claiming I wasn’t backing them up or that I was “scared” on calls. These rumors stemmed from a single male officer who made it his mission to badmouth me to anyone who’d listen after I turned him down on his bar invite. Eventually, others started repeating it, sometimes not even realizing they were gossiping.
But here’s the part that matters: not one of them could provide a single substantiated incident to back up those claims. One officer even said, “Her eyes looked big when we were dealing with an agitated male, so I assumed she was scared.” When asked if anything else happened to support that allegation, the answer was no. Yet somehow, those comments still ended up in my annual evaluation written by my direct sergeant.
Check things for yourself. Ask questions. Look at the full picture. Don’t rely on secondhand, unverified narratives to shape your perception of someone’s career, because those kinds of unproven rumors can destroy good officers.
11. Choose FTOs wisely as they set the tone
Field Training Officers are more than trainers — they are culture-setters. One of the officers who caused the most damage in my situation was also an FTO — and he made sure every single rookie he trained heard how “terrible” I was as an officer. And of course, they believed him. Why wouldn’t they? He was their teacher. That kind of influence is powerful and dangerous in the wrong hands. Choose FTOs with good reputations, balanced leadership and strong character.
12. If you say you’ll stand up, then stand up
One of the most damaging things a supervisor can do is promise support and then vanish the moment it gets uncomfortable. If you tell an officer you’ll back them, especially when they’re reporting harassment or toxic behavior, then do it. Don’t run the other direction when the pushback starts. Don’t go silent when things heat up. Your word means everything in this profession — and when you break it, you’re not just letting that officer down, you’re showing everyone else that standing up for what’s right comes with consequences. That’s how people learn to keep their heads down and stay quiet.
13. Pay attention to who’s leaving, not just who you’re hiring
If your department has no problem hiring female officers, but they’re consistently the first ones to leave, that’s not a coincidence — it’s a red flag. High female turnover isn’t a recruitment issue. It’s a retention issue. And it’s usually tied to the culture they’re walking into. Start asking why they’re leaving, and more important, what you’re doing (or not doing) that’s pushing them out.
One officer stepped up, taking multiple report calls outside her area while the rest of the shift was tied up. Instead of praise, she was accused of not being a team player. Leadership didn’t ask questions. They didn’t look at the facts. They just accepted the complaints. That broke her trust.
Another officer shared that her FMLA leave was constantly questioned, even with doctors’ notes verifying her pregnancy. That’s not just inappropriate — it’s illegal. When officers feel like they’re being treated as liabilities for simply being pregnant or needing medical time off, it sends a clear message: you’re not supported here. That message pushes good people out.
What I want leaders to remember
What happened to me wasn’t inevitable. It could have been stopped, but it wasn’t. I stayed in a department that slowly chipped away at me while the people in charge either ignored the problem, contributed to it, or rewarded those responsible.
If you’re in command now, you have a choice. You can keep letting things slide and rewarding bad behavior, pretending it’s all just “part of the job.” Or you can be the reason it changes. You can be the kind of leader who actually stops it. You can create a culture where this doesn’t happen to the next officer — where the good ones stay, because they’re finally supported the way they should be.
About the author
Lauren Houston is a former police officer and correctional officer with over a decade of experience in law enforcement. She began her career at a maximum-security prison in Lansing, Kansas, where she served as a member of the Special Operations Response Team (SORT). She later spent 8.5 years as a patrol officer in St. Joseph, Missouri, where her passion was working narcotics, firearms and gang-related crime.
Throughout her career, Lauren faced significant challenges, including workplace discrimination, sexual harassment and retaliation. She ultimately pursued and successfully litigated a lawsuit against her department. Refusing to sign a non-disclosure agreement, she made a deliberate choice to speak publicly about the internal failures and toxic culture she endured.
Today, Lauren is an advocate focused on exposing misconduct within law enforcement, promoting leadership accountability, and breaking the stigma surrounding officer mental health. She has authored multiple published articles on police culture and internal systemic reform. In 2025, she was a featured speaker at the NAWLEE (National Association of Women Law Enforcement Executives) conference, where she shared her story and called for meaningful, lasting change.
