Who ya gonna call? Apparently, your local PD
By Jim Stevens
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
MILWAUKEE, Wisc. — There are few professions that deal with issues that range from the cradle to the grave.
Doctors certainly do, as do those in the clergy. Police officers are another.
But unlike physicians or ministers, police deal with nearly aspect of life and often are the first ones people call when help is needed.
“We do handle everything from the cradle to the grave,” said a Village of Pewaukee police officer.
Officers and police clerks from several departments shared some of the more unusual aspects of their jobs, though several asked to remain anonymous because of the nature and sensitivity of some of the calls.
Now, everyone knows police deal with everything from tragedies to traffic stops.
But what about chasing cows, horses or turtles? Or rustling children out of bed, counseling couples, listening to far-fetched stories or just lending an ear to a lonely person?
While not listed in the official job description, all of that does come under the “to serve” part of the “to serve and protect” oath of police officers.
Let the police’s fingers do the walking
On the front line are the police clerks. They have to answer many serious questions and assist as best as they can.
Then again, they also deal with less-serious questions.
“Sometimes I feel like I work for AT&T directory assistance,” said one longtime police clerk, whose comment was repeated by more than one clerk.
Calls include finding numbers for other police departments, the State Patrol and the Department of Motor Vehicles.
“People can’t get through, so they call here,” one police clerk said of DMV calls. “We can’t help them.”
Other calls come in that are not even remotely close to a police issue, such as requests for information about trick-or-treat hours, parades, garbage pickup, where certain businesses are located, phone numbers for restaurants and questions about the Post Office, which the clerks cannot deliver on.
Others call to report their power is out, or their sump pump is not working or to ask whether an officer would come over to jump their car.
One recent walk-in to the Village of Pewaukee Police Department reported that his phone did not work, and asked a clerk if she would call the phone company. Accommodating, the clerk did just that, but got a recording that she would be on hold for 30 minutes. The clerk told the man she couldn’t wait that long.
“She tried to call, but she just couldn’t wait for 30 minutes. And he got mad,” said a co-worker.
Counselors
Parents get mad at their children for refusing to get up to go to school and end up calling - who else? - the police.
“We do that all the time,” said City of Pewaukee Officer Robert Kraemer.
A City of Delafield officer recalled one parent who could not get her 10-year-old son out of bed. The officer went to the house, roused the boy and sent him off to school.
Along with parenting, officers are often called on for marriage or couple counseling.
“That happens every day,” said Waukesha County Sheriff’s Department Capt. Karen Ruff.
When it’s simply a family fight, police said it’s just a matter of cooler heads prevailing and preventing an escalation of events.
And sometimes police are called just out of frustration.
One woman called Town of Oconomowoc Police to complain about junk piling up in a backyard. She said the problem had been going on for years. In the end, the woman admitted the culprit was her husband, and she just wanted to police to come out and tell him to clean it up.
Police also referee neighbor disputes, in which people fight over everything from mowing each other’s lawns to the way they look at each other.
The job of the officer is to just negotiate and try to prevent the matter from escalating.
“We try to put out emotional fires,” said Hartland Police Chief Robert Rosch.
Officers need to be patient, to be helpful, Rosch said - even in unusual situations.
“You just can’t make this stuff up,” said Ruff.
Out-of-this-world experiences
Area police said calls of aliens and UFOs are a common occurrence.
A City of Delafield officer recalled numerous calls coming in about UFOs one night. It turned out to be a planet that was shining brightly in the night sky.
But it is those suffering from mental illness that calls for the most tact and patience.
One Village of Pewaukee officer recalled dealing with a fellow who said he died in 1992 when he was eaten by a shark, to which the officer replied, “You look pretty good.”
The man told the officer, “I’m from another dimension,” the officer recalled. In fact, the man said, there are 11 dimensions, and he was from the ninth.
Another man in the village was in a “spiritual molecular self that was in a state of restructure.” The man was found exorcising (not exercising) his dog, and he and his dog were wearing leather crosses.
About 20 years ago, a Village of Pewaukee officer recalled, a 24-year-old man insisted he was a World War II general.
An elderly woman believed a “dozen little gnomes” were running through her house, while a man wore aluminum foil on his head and ripped the dashboard off his car to “stop the noises.”
Ruff said a woman who lives in a trailer in the Sussex area called frequently about an elevator in her house.
Then there are those who are certain they are being bugged or watched by cameras.
One officer said the key to such situations is to “placate, get a feel of where the person is going, and don’t be confrontational.”
“We try to help them. Keep them calm and compliant,” said Town of Oconomowoc Police Chief James Wallis.
Helping those in need
Police often help people those in need, whether it’s opening a locked car, helping change a flat tire, giving a few bucks to someone to pay for a bus, or helping someone who fell.
Then there are times such as a driver in the Village of Pewaukee that couldn’t get a car started and the officer simply turned the steering wheel a tad and magically the key turned. Or the time a driver could not get the car into gear and the officer found the driver had her foot on the brake.
And there are times when people call police just so they have someone to talk to.
Ruff recalled an elderly woman in the Town of Delafield who lived alone in a large house and had no family.
“Every Christmas she would call and say her silverware was stolen. And we’d go over there, and she just wanted someone to talk to. She’d call every year, and every time we’d go back,” she said.
Critters
Police also need a working knowledge of the animal kingdom
There are tales of officers saving baby ducks or geese from storm sewers, cows being corralled and amorous critters creating havoc.
In the City of Delafield, a male peacock was showing off his stuff, strutting around Divine Redeemer Lutheran School when the bird saw its own reflection in a door window, and thinking it was seeing a rival, began pecking at the door. Police were called and recommended putting a piece of cardboard in the glass so the peacock would no longer see the reflection and be on his merry way.
Last year, a tom turkey created a stir in Okauchee. The turkey was wandering around town, pecking on vehicles. Town of Oconomowoc police went on a well-publicized wild turkey chase.
“He was attacking cars,” said Wallis, “and creating a stir.”
Wallis said the turkey has since left town.
Ruff assisted in corralling seven cows that were on the loose for about four hours in 1983, leading several deputies on a chase from Capitol Drive and Highway 164 (now Highway F) into the Village of Pewaukee and ending near Waukesha County Technical College. The bovines damaged two squads and a Pewaukee Fire Department truck.
Why call the cops?
So why are the police the chosen ones to deal with the gambit of life’s problems? Rosch gave his theory.
“Generally, police are the only 24-hour entity most communities have,” said Rosch. “They view police as the problem-solvers of everything.”
“We do what we can,” said Rosch. “But there are times we don’t have the ability to handle it.”
Copyright 2009 Milwaukee Journal Sentinel