Editor’s Note: This week’s PoliceOne First Person essay is from PoliceOne Member David Miller, whose hilarious take on an age-old Christmas poem is sure to become an instant classic. In PoliceOne “First Person” essays, our Members and Columnists candidly share their own unique view of the world. This is a platform from which individual officers can share their own personal insights on issues confronting cops today, as well as opinions, observations, and advice on living life behind the thin blue line. If you want to share your own perspective with other P1 Members, simply send us an email with your story.
By David Miller
Police1 Member
T’was the night before the drug deal, when all through the crack house
Everyone was high, even the mouse.
The marijuana was hung by the chimney with care
In the hopes that Bob Marley would soon be there.
The addicts were all nestled snug in their beds
While visions of full bongs danced in their heads.
And mama on the bean bag and me with a mirror
Had just settled down for a nice long line.
When out on the porch there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
The door blew open with a loud crash
The flash bang went off with a blinding flash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a SWAT team in black with riot gear.
I knew in a moment it must be DEA.
With so many guys so lively and quick,
I didn’t have time for a disappearing trick.
More rapid than Eagles, the cops they came.
The captain he cursed, and shouted, and called them by name.
To the top of the porch! Go thru the wall!
Kick down the damn door and watch it fall!
As wild men they did like a hurricane fly,
When they met with a obstacle they blew it sky high!
So up to the house the cops they flew.
With two bad ass K-9s and the captain too.
As I drew in my hand and was turning around
Down the hallway came DEA with a bound.
He was dressed in all black from his head to toe
My head was ringing from beanbag blow.
His eyes how they twinkled, the K-9 growls were not merry
Their teeth were huge and they were big and hairy!
Pepper spray in the eye and a shotgun and two Glocks to my head
Soon letknow I had everything to dread.
The captain shouted every word and went straight to work.
Seized all my dope and arrested us all. What a jerk!
The handcuffs went on, we were read our rights.
Were all in jail with no bond in sight.
The captain sprang to his van, and to his team he gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the down on a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO US - WE HAVE FOUR MORE WARRANTS TO SERVE TONIGHT!
