Most of the year finds me loving being assigned to a motorcycle. After nearly a decade, I feel confident I can speak for most of my two-wheeled associates in emphatically stating the following:
We. Hate. Summer.
Sure, summer finds you planning lovely family vacations and pool parties. Well, bully for you. Summer finds us sweating in places we didn’t know had the ability to sweat. When, at the end of your shift, you are able to wring out your T-shirt, you know summertime is here.
In the East Bay Area of California, where I live and work, summer temps range from the mid-90s to well over 100. Honestly, though, once the temp tips north of somewhere in the upper 80s, it may as well be 117 degrees being assigned to the motorcycle.
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10 things about motorcops and heat
Here are 10 things motorcops hate about summer:
1. The sun
Source of life-giving light? Nope. Source of the aforementioned sweaty [insert unspeakable body part here]. Listen, I love the sun from about the end of September to mid-May. Otherwise, it can pretty much suck it.
2. No school traffic
As a guy whose sole purpose is to write tickets, less traffic makes it more challenging. It takes me a whole extra couple of hours of work to hit my personal daily goal!
3. Beat cops
Listen, jackass, you have an air conditioner. Nobody gives a shit if you think it’s hot. Wait...you had to get out of the car for two whole minutes and then return to the Hoth-like atmosphere in your car?! You poor bastard!
4. The sun
Seriously...f you, sun.
5. Kevlar
I recognize and appreciate the fact that Kevlar plays a significant role in potentially keeping me alive. The wife appreciates it as well. That being said, though, Kevlar doesn’t breathe. At all. By the end of the day, my torso smells like rabid jaguar shit in a rain forest.
6. Radiant heat
Those motorcycles we ride get hot. I remember the first three years I was assigned to motors, I rode a Harley. That friggin’ thing threw off about 300+ degrees of radiant heat. Because I wasn’t hot enough? Oh, and how about those heat waves radiating off the pavement my boots are standing on whilst sitting on the motor or, God forbid, directing traffic? What’s the source of that radiant heat, again? THE F’N SUN!!
7. Polyester/Wool blend uniform shirts
I guess the concept here went something like this: “Well, we know Kevlar doesn’t breathe, so we may as well make it policy to use a poly/wool blend that doesn’t breathe either. We shouldn’t even consider some kind of professional-looking cotton polo. We can’t have those uppity motors safe and comfortable!”
8. The drought (specific to my fellow Lower Left Coast motorcops)
Now, you may think this is a weird thing to hate for a motor-specific reason. I’m not saying that is necessarily inaccurate, but consider this: All I can think of when rivulets of sweat are finding themselves moving southward to the nether regions of my body is popping a damn fireplug and taking a full-on blast of nice, crisp, cool water right to the dome. No can do, though ... it’d be “irresponsible”. Hell, I can’t even soak my head with a garden hose whilst standing over my dying lawn without taking sneers from curmudgeonly neighbors!
9. Morning court
The mornings are bearable. The sun has not reached anywhere near its evil zenith at which it bakes my insides. But when traffic court is at 0830 hours and it’s supposed to hit 90 by 1000 hours, it completely screws me for the rest of the day.
10. The sun
You may be thinking to yourself, “I think MC is just padding this list to get to a nice even number.” You aren’t completely off base. That notwithstanding, however, please understand the depth with which I deplore the summer sun. It is a deep and abiding disdain.
When you walk outside into a wall of oppressive heat, please say a little prayer for all us motorcops as we uncomfortably (but still whilst looking badass) make our way through the worst season of the year.
Tips to beat the heat
Motocops, we want to hear from you. How do you cope with summer heat? Share your tips and we’ll add them to this article.
Police1 readers respond
- Not a motorcycle cop, but still agree with you about the god-awful heat bouncing off black asphalt in summer. I’m not quite sure what to suggest about the heat in the boots except maybe talk to somebody in the business of designing and manufacturing firefighter’s gear to come up with a leg sleeve or something to protect against the heat down there. As for helping with under the vest heat, invest in the 221B Tactical Company’s Maxx-Dri Vest. It was developed by the owner of the company, a 13-year veteran of the NYPD, and it really does help with keeping you more comfortable. You’re still going to sweat, but the shirt goes from stick to you wringing to damp. Not cheap now, but still, it is worth every penny.
- Well, you can’t beat the heat in Louisiana. You just deal with it. The humidity makes it feel like you’re working in a hot shower. As the sun moves, follow the shade. Tree branches hanging over parking lots are nice. So are awnings if you can find one that no one is using. (Closed business, run down gas stations, restaurants, etc.) Harley also makes a saddle bag ice chest bag that comes in handy. But…take breaks. Gas stations with walk in beer coolers are a plus!
- Worked 10 years as a Motorcop in central Texas. Most summers were intense to say the least. During my first summer, my Motor Sgt. finally told me the secret was 7-Eleven. I said what? He explained that I should go to the 7-Eleven and ask the manager if I could take a cooling break in their cooler 10-15 min every hour (of course that was if you weren’t busy). Did this routine for the next 10 years. Have much respect for my fellow Motorcops. Retired 2018.
- I’m a motor officer from NC, and sometimes the best place to visit in the summer is Sheetz. Not for the coffee, snacks, or even food, but for the walk-in beer cave! It’s also fun to watch the patrons faces when they look in the beer cave and you’ve parked your sweaty behind on a pallet of cold beer!! Keep cool motors!
- He’s not wrong about the heat trapped under your vest, near black uniforms, asphalt, engine heat (KZ1000 puts off solar flares too). Headband keeps sweat out of your eyes. Stay hydrated. It’s still the best job I ever had as a cop. Paid to ride a bike. Work our wrecks, backup any call we wanted to, no report writing. The PR walk thru at the water park was always a fan favorite. Riding the Interstate on cool crisp fall days made the summers worth it all!
This article, originally published October 14, 2016, has been updated with additional resources and a video.
