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The worst excuses you’ll hear at a traffic stop

And a few winners.

By Mike the Cop

Traffic enforcement is something that almost every cop has to do, for at least part of their career.

Depending on your jurisdiction, it may be something that is simply part of your everyday patrol responsibilities, while others specialize in it. Either way, no one likes to get pulled over for traffic violations, but most people (if they’re being honest) will recognize the value and necessity of enforcing traffic laws; particularly ones that if disregarded could lead to the injury or death of someone they care about.

Still, most cops don’t really get a big kick out of conducting traffic stops or writing tickets. The good thing is that some people provide dumb enough reasons to make you feel a little bit better filling out that citation.

Here are a few of the worst excuses to avoid if you plan on trying to “get out of a ticket”... and what goes through my head when I hear them. Ok ok, it’s what comes out of my mouth sometimes too:

1) “I’m so sorry. I swear I never speed.”

Clearly...and I think we may understand the word “never” to mean different things.

2) “I didn’t even see you back there.”

Um...ok? I guess I was just in time then.

3) “I am not from around here.”

Ah yes, our camouflage speed limit signs are intentionally designed to throw off people from other towns and states. I’m sure they look quite different where you’re from. *eye roll*

4) “Sorry, I was distracted.”

Ah, so you’d prefer I write you a different ticket? Got it.

5) “I was avoiding another bad driver.”

So your solution to avoid a bad driver was to drive more recklessly? Yes, makes perfect sense now.

6) “But, I’m lost.”

Yes, because speeding up and darting in and out of lanes will clearly help you find your way.

7) “I’m trying to get to my family member having an emergency.”

Did they call an ambulance? No? Oh, are you an ambulance? No, you say? Would you like me to call you an ambulance? No, well, ok then – you’ll have 14 days to take care of this.

Now, just because someone gives an excuse, doesn’t mean I may not still just give them a warning. Some examples have included:

  • “I got da bubble gut.”

    Ok. Have a nice night.

  • “I peed my pants.”

    Smelling this to be true: ok well drive safely please.

  • “I’m sorry, I know I was speeding. I understand that you’re just doing your job.”

    WINNER! Carry on, sir or ma’am. Even if you’re still written, following up at the court may yield a reduction simply because the exchange was polite and honest :)

Well, there ya have it folks; but this list is far from exhaustive. I’m guessing an entire coffee table book could be put together of the ridiculously funny things that I’ve heard during traffic stops. In fact, that’s not a bad idea!

Question: What the best/worst excuse you’ve heard...or used? Share in the comments below.

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